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Tuesday, August 11, 2015

10 Ways to Learn from Everyday Life (Inspired by My Life in Japan)

Welcome to the August 2015 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Life Learners
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have talked about how they continue learning throughout life and inspire their children to do the same.
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I firmly believe that we can learn from everyday life.
Last year, I was an exchange student in Japan; I went to a Japanese school, I lived with a Japanese family, and I experienced Japanese life. I was constantly learning; everything in my life was fresh and new. I didn't have to work at all to learn new things; in everything that I did, I was learning. In some ways, people who unschool approach schooling with a similar philosophy: children are surrounded with learning opportunities, and they constantly pick things up through modeling in experience. I think that this kind of learning doesn't have to stop when you're small. When I was abroad (and was, in some ways, learning how to do life over again), I leaned a lot of ways to carry this kind of learning into adulthood, and I wanted to share some of my tips with you guys! I wrote a lot of tips (I shamelessly like to talk about myself), so, for your reading ease, I have the tip in bold at the top, and then a bolded summary at the bottom (if it's tl;dr). Here they are, in no particular order:
1. Show up/Say Yes
In Japan, one of my rules for myself was that, if I were invited to any kind of outing or activity (minus anything that would put me in a compromising position/made me uncomfortable/would be dangerous), I would say yes, even if I wanted to say no.
I was almost always game for anything in Japan; I had been dreaming of living there for so long, and I truly wanted to experience everything that I could. But sometimes, I would come home from school, exhausted from a day of translating everything that was going on around me. Someone would invite me to go and do something, and I would want to say no. Not because I didn't want to do the thing itself, but because I was worn out, and slightly overwhelmed and I just wanted to sleep. But every time, I made myself say yes.
 I did these activities and went to these places, even though I was worn out, and I am so, so glad that I did. I got to experience so many special things-- experiences that I would have missed if I had said no.
Since I came back to America, I don't use this rule all of the time, but sometimes, someone will invite me to go somewhere, and, even though I'm tired, and I don't want to go, I go. And every time, I learn new things, have new experiences, and meet new people.
Recently, my friend called. Her partner was using the car, and she needed to buy new nappies from the market. It was 10:30 at night, and I really, really didn't want to go. I was exhausted. But, I went anyway, and I got to hold her baby, and to talk to her, and to learn about her life as a new mother. If I hadn't gone, I would have missed out on all of that.
When I say "yes", I always learn something new.
Caveat: I'm a big believer in saying no when you need to, so obviously, with this rule, use your best judgement, and do what's safe for you. 
Book club -- something I may not have done if I hadn't been following my "always say yes" rule. It was one of my coolest experiences abroad. We read a book about a Japanese woman who came to live in America (Daughter of a Samurai, for anyone interested), so, my classmates interviewed me about being an American woman living in Japan (and dressed me up in kimono, because why not).
2. Utilize Free Moments
I find that, any time that I have a free moment during which I could possibly be actively learning something, I waste it messing around on the internet, or lying around and doing nothing productive. Please tell me I'm not the only one.
This happens to me on a daily basis:
"Cool! I have a free hour! I should do my Japanese flashcards. I'll just check my email first..."
*Mindlessly scrolls Tumblr for the entire hour*
"....Crap."
Although technology is super distracting (at least, to me personally), it's also full of amazing resources that can help maimize your learning during your free time.
If you're interested in making better use of your free time, there are tons of amazing resources available. YouTube videos and podcasts are great; I really like Sci Show and Crash Course, because the videos are interesting, funny, and short (and because I love John and Hank Green, so, so very much). You could throw one up on your phone while you wait for the train, while you stand in line at the grocery store, or during any time that you have a free second.
 If you're with your kids, Sci Show and Crash Couse both have super cool children's versions of their shows, which I highly recommend! Although they're for kids, I always learn something new from them.
If you're not feeling videos, or you don't want to use technology, make yourself some foreign language, science, or (insert your personal interest here) flashcards! I make my own Japanese flashcards and carry them around with me everywhere. When I have a free second, I pull the out and study them! It's super effective.
Use your free time wisely; watch a video, use flash cards, learn something new.
3. Raise Awareness
This is such a pretentious-sounding thing to say, but seriously. I find that, the more aware you are of your surroundings, and the more you take in, the more you learn.
When I was abroad, I was constantly taking in everything. I wanted to see it all, understand it all, and remember it all. Things that were totally normal to Japanese people were mind-blowing to me. Every second of the day, I was reading everything around me, looking at every building, asking to know what everything around me was. I stopped to smell every rose, quite literally.
I don't have nearly this much curiosity about my home country, but, since I've been back, I've been trying to see it with a similar curiosity. After all, there are tons of things that I don't know about my home city. Why not take the time to try and learn them?
What's in that building down the street from your house? What's the name of that river you drive over every day, or the bridge you use to do so? How about the flowers in your garden; do you know their names? I could answer all of these questions and more about my home in Japan, because I was always asking them, and yearning to know the answers.
  You can learn so much by being aware of what is around you and asking questions. 
A photo my host sister took of me getting overly excited about a gourd
Getting hype about cake (what can I say? I like food)

4. See Everything as a Learning Experience 
I had a few months in between when I came back from Japan and when I started working again when I was kind of in limbo, and, when I first came back, I (very pretentiously) decided to try and find ways to learn from "life experiences".
Sometimes, this meant actively going out and trying new things (traveling to a new city, making something, ect), but, most of the time, it meant looking at frustrating situations in my life and saying, "Well, at least this is a new life experience!"
There was a small period of time when, due to transportation issues, I had to walk about a mile and a half to work every day. This was in January, in Pennsylvania, so, it was snowy and extremely cold. But, every morning when I tied on my scarf and braced myself for the freezing weather, I forced myself to silently think, "Life experience! I never walk out in the snow, so I'll see a lot of new things today! I wonder what I'll discover." I got to find new things that I would not find normally, and experience thing that I would not have, if I hadn't had to walk. Even though this wasn't the most pleasant thing I have ever done, I can honestly look back and say that I had gained a lot of positive learning experiences from my walks to work. Sometimes, I learned how to walk back out into the snowy landscape and frantically search for the ballet flats I had planned to change into (which had fallen out of my purse on the way to work), only to come back defeated, and have to explain to the children in my preschool class why I would be spending the entire day wearing wet snowboots. Okay, maybe I don't look back at ALL of the experiences with fondness.
When you see everyday happenings as learning experiences, I genuinely think that you learn more from them. Changing a diaper? Think about how amazing you've become at changing diapers since you've had a baby. You're a master. That's knowledge that you have gained. Are you driving somewhere new today? Awesome! You're learning a new route, and seeing things that you haven't seen before. Everything in life is a learning experience, and I find that, the more I try to see it that way, the more I end up learning.

5. Actively Participate in Life 
When I attended Japanese school, the temptation to just zone out in class was so strong; trying to understand what was going on in class took a tremendous amount of energy, and it would have been way easier to zone out and let my mind wander. But I didn't. I focused, I took notes, and I actively participated in everything that was happening. Spoiler alert: I learned a lot about Japanese culture, I made a deeper connection with my classmates and teachers, and I learned a ton of Japanese! In the end, I was so glad that I forced myself to pay attention to what was going on.
It's so easy to zone out and let learning opportunities pass you by. Choose to be an active participant in you life. Drink some water, meditate, whatever it takes -- try to pay attention to the learning opportunities that are around you all of the time!  
With some classmates at school 

6. Seek out new experiences
In Japan, it was easy to find new experiences, because everything I did was new -- no seeking necessary. Even walking down the street and seeing what was around my neighborhood was fresh, exciting, and special. I reveled in the new smells, sights, and sounds. However,it can be harder to do this in your home country; you've lived there for your entire life, and you've already experienced a lot there. But there are always new things to do and try, and new experiences are learning experiences!

My friend Alissa is particularly good at finding interesting places to go with the kids for whom she nannies. They always seem to be going to a cool museum that she's discovered, a beautiful park, or a new theme park. She finds many cool places where they can go and learn together. It's awesome!
Have you ever been to Philadelphia or Chicago (insert the name of a big city near you here)? Have you been to that museum in your town? How about that foreign grocery store down the street? Go and check these places out! You can see things that you haven't seen, and you can learn in these new environments.
Channel your inner Alissa; find cool new places to explore, and soak in learning from these new environments. 
7. The internet is your friend
Again, technology is cool. Videos, podcasts, blogs, apps -- find what works for you, and use it to learn!

8. Everyone has a story -- learn from them!
I believe that one of the best ways to learn is to discover new things from people around you. Everyone around you has a story; they know things that you don't know, that have experienced things that you can only imagine, and they have a perspective on life completely different from your own. When you stop to talk to new people, you learn more about them, and about the world.
In Japan, I talked to everyone whom I met. I wanted to become fluent in Japanese while living in Japan, and I also wanted to meet and interact with as many people as possible. Talking to everyone with whom I came into contact helped me reach both of those goals, and also helped me learn a lot about Japanese culture.
Interacting with new people was a lot easier when I was living in Japan. I saw hundreds of people at school every day, and, because I was the only exchange student at my school, people thought that it was kind of glamorous to be able to talk to me (which is laughable, but true). Although it's not as easy to do this in your home country, think about how many people you come into contact with every day; store clerks, strangers in line at an event, other parents at the playground. Try striking up a conversation with one of these people! I find that, every time I make the effort to talk to a stranger (whether it's the clerk at the grocery store, a friend of my brother's, or someone new online), I benefit. I learn a new perspective, I discover something interesting about that person's life, or I gain a new friend.
If you're someone who has trouble striking up conversations like this, but who wants to become better at it, I find that it helps to be outrageously polite and friendly, and to compliment the heck out of people (people like compliments). These are basically common sense, but they work.
 Next time someone is bagging your groceries or waiting in line next to you at an event, try talking to them. You might learn something new. 

With some classmates in Japan

9. Make deeper connections
On the flip side, maybe you're not so into chatting up random strangers -- that's totally understandable. It's not everyone's thing. Although these small connections can be a cool way to learn from other people, deeper connections are a great way to do this, too. Find a few close friends, and make it your goal to become closer to these people; how much do you really know about them and their lives?
 In Japan, I always asked people questions so that they would talk to me (I have no shame and I wanted to talk to people). I wrote some questions that you can use to spark conversations with friends:
1. In what moment were you the happiest that you have ever been?
2. Which colour reminds you the most of yourself?
3. Why did you choose your children's names? Are there stories behind them?
4. Which countries have you visited? Which was your favourite, and why?
5. Did you like high school/university? What were your favourite/least favourite parts?
Or, if you're not feeling, that, you could do a fun game/app together, I like The Seven Second Challege (which would be amazingly fun for kids, as well), but there are lots of fun options.
Get to know your friends more deeply. Ask questions and enjoy their company as fully as you can.
With my most sister in Japan. I connected with her by constantly interrogating her about her life (which, bafflingly, worked, and we're now friends).

10. Take your kids!! 
You're not the only one who can learn things from everyday life! Your kids can learn right alongside you. Then, not only to you get the joy of learning something new, you also get to see your kids learning and growing with you.
A bonus eleventh tip: No pressure! Life is not a competition, in which you have to learn as much as you can. You don't have to follow my crazy setps, or anyone's crazy steps, unless you like them and they work for you. Just do the best you can, and figure out what works best for you.
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I hope that all of this helps you guys as you work on learning from everyday life! If you have any questions, please throw them in the comments!
If you want to learn more about my trip to Japan (i.e, if, for some reason, this post of pretentious ramblings really tickled your fancy and you WANT MORE), you can check out my Japan Journals! They're numbered, and they all have "Japan Journal" in the title, so, they're pretty simple to navigate.
How do you learn from everyday life? Let me know in the comments! I'm always looking for tips. 
Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: MamaVisit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting! Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
  • The Financial Advice That Saved My Marriage — Shortly after they got married, Emily at Natural Parents Network and her husband visited a financial planner. Many of the goals and priorities they set back then are now irrelevant, but one has stuck with them through all of the employment changes, out-of-state-moves, and child bearing: allowances.
  • Lifelong Learning — Survivor at Surviving Mexico--Adventures and Disasters writes about how her family's philosophy of life-long learning has aided them.
  • Inspiring Children to be Lifelong Learners — Donna from Eco-Mothering discusses the reasons behind her family's educational choices for their daughter, including a wish list for a lifetime of learning.
  • Always Learning — Kellie at Our Mindful Life loves learning, and lately she's undertaken a special project that her family has been enjoying sharing with her.
  • We're all unschoolers — Lauren at Hobo Mama embraces the joy in learning for its own sake, and wants to pass that along to her sons as she homeschools.
  • My children, my teachers Stoneageparent shares how becoming a parent has opened doors into learning for her and her family, through home education and forest school.
  • Never Stop Learning — Holly at Leaves of Lavender discusses her belief that some of the most important things she knows now are things she's learned since finishing "formal" schooling.
  • Learning is a Lifelong Adventure — Learning has changed over time for Life Breath Present, and she is more excited and interested now than ever before.
  • Facebook: The Modern Forum — Dionna at Code Name: Mama explains why Facebook is today's forum - a place where people from all walks of life can meet to discuss philosophies, debate ideas, and share information.
  • 10 Ways to Learn from Everyday Life (Inspired by my Life in Japan) — Erin at And Now, for Something Completely Different offers tips she learned while living in Japan to help you learn from everyday life.

Monday, August 3, 2015

On Feeling Like You Might Kind of Suck

UGH.
So, I'm writing this out, in the hopes that I can find others who can commiserate with me, or that, somehow, if I write it out, I will feel better about the situation.
Recently, I feel like I SUCK at being a nanny, and at taking care of kids. I just feel like I majorly suck at it.
I feel like I am not patient enough with the girls. Too often, I feel like I get frustrated over something that really doesn't matter at all.
I feel like maybe I don't do a good enough job explaining things to the girls, that too often, I'm tired, and I'm focused on too many things, and my explanation is not full enough, not good enough. That, when answering tricky questions, when considering "if I explain it this way, would that be a statement that your parents would agree with/be okay with?" I lose the explanation that I really wanted to give.
When I have the girls choose an activity or craft instead of doing free play, I feel like I'm doing a bad job because I'm forcing them to do something, instead of following their lead.
When I follow their lead, I end up feeling like we aren't doing anything productive, and that we really should be doing something.
But, I KNOW that none of this is true.
I know that these thoughts come from some part of me that thinks that I am NOT good enough,
I know that I am crazy patient with the girls, that, even when I am frustrated, I never yell. That I always speak in a fairly calm and sweet voice. That my most frustrated statement is usually, "Okay, like I said before, right now I am working on something with your sister, but if you wait a minuet, I can help you with what you need, okay?" in a slightly harried voice. That, even though I sometimes slip up and say something that could have been phrased better, for the most part, I stay pretty calm. But, COULDN'T I BE DOING BETTER? Why is my voice ever harried? Why am I ever frustrated? Why can't I be a goddess-like paragon of patience and virtue?
Because no one can be. I'm working of being patient, on being loving, on being the best that I can. It's hard. No one is perfect.
I know that when it comes to activities, I'm struggling with my personal desire to keep a schedule. And honestly, this summer, I have been doing a pretty good job of veering from our general schedule, and going with what the girls want to do. Things have been a little bit hectic this summer, and we have had a lot of changes, but, as a unit, we've mostly been going with the flow, and we've had a pretty awesome summer. I should be happy with what we've done. I've let go of a lot of my personal desire for control and schedule, even though it has not always been easy for me. The girls have had tons of opportunities to explore their interests in ways that they enjoy, and we have done many, many cool and fun things this summer.
Drawing with chalk (one of our summer activities)

Celebrating Raksha Bandhan

As far as working with tricky questions, I've been doing the best that I can. The parents for whom I work are amazing, kind, and super cool people, but they use a parenting style that is drastically different from mine, and their general worldview is extremely different from mine, as well. Sometimes this is difficult, but I've been doing the best that I can, considering the circumstances.
I know these things. I know that I'm doing my best.
I love the kiddos that I watch. The are sweet, intelligent, fun, creative, and lovely kids. I am so, so lucky to be able to spend time with them. I treasure the hours that we spend together. I enjoy watching them play and grow. And I know, at least hypothetically, that I am doing a good job caring for them.

And yes, there's that nagging voice. You known the one.
The one that says, "You aren't good enough. You could be doing so much better. You sucks at taking care of kids. You're going to be a horrible mother someday. You should never even have children."
I hate that voice.
But some days, it's really, really hard to make it go away.