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Sunday, May 3, 2015

April 2015: Life Playlist, Colour Test, Daily Journals, and MEETING HANK FREAKING GREEN

Someone on Tumblr sent me a life playlist! So cool.
I'm definitely playing American Beauty/American Psycho at my wedding. Consider this your invitation. And I See the Light is going on my birth playlist, for sure.
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Deep breath.
In, out, in, out.
I am having a moment of panic. PANIC. 
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MYSELF AND IT IS MAJORLY FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm on these "accepted student" boards for the schools that I got into, and they're all full of ambitious, intelligent, articulate students who are committing to schools and sure of their decisions, whereas I'm more in the realm of "if you have to choose a school and it's making you rethink your life and pushing you into a major existential crisis clap your hands," which isn't really a great place to be. All of these people are incisive and decided, whereas I'm a noncommittal, wiggly hand gesture paired with a vague "ehhh" sound. Which is stressful and intimidating to me. 
And Minerva. MINERVA. Like, WHAT DO I EVEN DO ABOUT THAT? IT'S FANCY? IT'S NEW? Shouldn't I want to take a risk, to do new things, to be a part of history? If I don't join Minerva, will I regret it for the rest of my life? Will these people go on to conquer the world, while I wait at the sidelines? And...is waiting at the sidelines even such a bad thing? Minerva seems like an intentional community, which I love. But it also seems sketchy as ever, and I'm kind of skeptical on their whole "new twist" on education. I just don't know if it's a good idea. And I'm scared, because I don't know what I want to choose, or how to make the right decision. But...I don't need to be. Everything is going to be all right. I will make a good decision. And this seemingly momentous choice, this huge decision: it's making me reconsider what I value in life, what I want for my future. It's forcing me to delve into myself and to analyze what I find. And this kind of hurts. It's kind of overwhelming. But I think that it's really, really good. Good will come of this. For now, it makes my head hurt, and my heart ache, and every part of me scream, "STOP OVER-THINKING THIS" one second, and "WHY AREN'T YOU THINKING THIS THROUGH MORE DEEPLY?" the next. But I am learning more about myself than I ever would have without these choices, and what I am learning will help me in the future
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Me: I bought us matching My So-Called Life buttons on Etsy last night!
Mom: *Laughs hysterically* You're such a NERD.
Well...I kind of am.
UPDATE: They came, and they're amazing. Who's laughing now?
...Still her. I'm still a nerd. 
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JC: "What's your favorite animal? Other than baby humans." 
...I do love baby humans. 
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I took The Colour Quiz, and my results are scarily accurate. Like, not all of them are perfect, but daaang:

Your Existing Situation

"Creative and emotional, looking for ways to further expand those qualities. Looking for a partner who enjoys the same activities. Seeking adventure and new and unusual activities."

Your Stress Sources

"Needs to meet people who have the same high principals and values as himself, but finds the need unfulfilled. her need to feel dominate and superior leaves her feeling isolated and does not allow for her to give freely of himself. she would like to surrender and let go, but sees that as a weakness she must not give in to. Holding back will allow her to stand out for the crowd and earn a higher status, recognized by others as unique and important."

Your Restrained Characteristics

Current events leave her feeling forced into compromise in order to avoid being cut off from affection or future cooperation.
Has strong emotional demands and is picky when it comes to choosing a partner. she chooses to remain emotionally distant and uninvolved in relationships.
Giving more than she is getting back and feels misunderstood and unappreciated. Feels she is being forced into compromising and even her close relationships leave her feeling emotional distant.
Is feeling emotionally drained from stressful and tense situations. she is in need of peace and quiet in order to overcome her lack of energy and may become irritable if she does not recover.

Your Desired Objective
"Wants interesting and exciting things to happen in her life. she is able to make others like her, because of her genuine concern for them. she is charming and open and makes friends easily. she can have an over-active imagination, which leads her to fantasize and daydream."

Your Actual Problem

"Impressed by unique and one of a kind things, and by people with exceptional personalities. Tries to takes the characteristics she likes in other people and apply it to herself as well as coming across as a unique individual."
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So I have a friend who is a crazy hypochondriac (like, legit crazy), and I had a dream last night that I kind of bumped into her (like, backed into her by accident and accidentally brushed her lightly), and she then threw herself down onto the floor and screamed, "OH MY GOD, I'M IN AGONY! I'M DYING. EVERYTHING HURTS. I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN," and I was just like, "Seriously? I barely touched you. Get over yourself," and she turned to the girl who was with her and was like, "Erin's such a b**ch," and I let it go. But then later, her Mom called me out about it in front of a bunch of people (and was like, "YOU INJURED MY CHILD! YOU HAVE SCARRED HER FOR LIFE), and I was like(apparently completely missing the point of what she was saying and instead responding to something said much earlier, so that's fairly true to life), "Well, you know, I don't appreciate being called a b**ch.Women are supposed to support one another! If we don't support each other, how are we supposed to overthrow the patriarchy and create a world in which people of all genders are equal?" And, I basically channeled my inner Alaska for a while and ranted her into oblivion. So, we've learned some things here:
1. I even feminist rant in my dreams
2. My dreams are apparently shockingly close to real life?
Who knew.
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My Mom spent a really long time debating Ben and I on the correct definition of the word "meme." Sorry, Mom, I'm a full time internet trashbag, I'm pretty sure you're going to lose this one.
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I had to explain the concept of "420" to my Mom today.
"....But like, WHY is it a thing that people day?"
"I don't even know, Mom, they just do."
"At my high school, everybody went out and smoked pot at 5:15. Like, in the Who song. So, where does 4:20 come from?"
She makes a valid point.
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From Tumblr:
You are not just studying for your future.
You are studying to save those patients.
You are studying to save that family’s mother from a lengthy jail sentence.
You are studying to teach us all.
You are studying to improve global communication.
You are studying to improve the environment.
You are studying so we learn from the past.
You are studying so technology progresses.
Who ever you are and whatever your goals are.
Your decision to study will change the world. 
Literally.
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JC just told me that she saw a picture of someone babywearing, and it made her think of me. It totally made my day <3
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Watched My So-Called Life with JC today, and she was totally into it. Yay!
Her: "This show is a wild ride."

Her: "Did they kick him out because he's gay?"
Me: "Yeah.."
Her:"Oh, poor baby."
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I can't stop listening to this song. I KNOW. I'm such a loser. Like, PLEASE JUST HEAR THEIR BEAUTIFUL VOICES. And ignore the weird shipping. Please. For me.
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My So Called Life is my favourite thing ever. Time for this post to get Ricky-ified:
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What if I actually blogged every day? That would be rad. For the rest of April (It's already the 19'th, I'm such a success), I'm going to write something every day. Format:
Date
Day of the Week
Weather
What song have you listened to the most times today?
Add a YouTube video that you watched today.
What were some good things that happened today?
What are you working on improving?
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April 19'th
Sunday
Sunny and warm!
What song have you listened to the most times today?
Probably Tokyo by Owl City (don't judge).
Add a YouTube video that you watched today.
Hank Green is always amazing! 
What were some good things that happened today?
Worked on cleaning the disaster zone that is my room and found a lot of cool books and magazines that I bought in Japan, as well as a lot of sweet notes from my classmates. I miss Japan so much, my heart hurts </3 Japhan is killing me right now, because I'm like, "BUT...I WANT TO GO TO JAPAN, TOO?"
Finally organized my vinyl! It looks pretty legit, sitting on my desk.
Got to hold a friend's baby today, she was such a sweet kiddo! I love me some babies.
Ate tacos from a  local taco truck -- yum!
Finished reading Looking for Alaska today! Oh my gosh, it was so, so good <3 It made a lot of really interesting points. Thanks, as always, John Green, for being amazing.
What are you working on improving?
I need to make a freaking college decision already, this is getting insane.
Need to have patience with my coworkers, and learn how to keep using my AP tactics, even though I am in an unsupportive environment.
"I need to spend less time online," she typed into her online journal.
I really, really miss Japan.
.....The college thing is really getting out of hand.
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April 20'th
Monday
Thunderstorms and tornado warnings!
......I almost forgot to do this. How awkward would that have been? Like, man, get it together, me, it's the second day of the challenge.
What song have you listened to the most times today?
Hallelujah -- Panic! at the Disco
This came out today, and I'm a little bit obsessed.
Add a YouTube video that you watched today.
...I don't think I did? Dangit, me! Get it together.
What were some good things that happened today?
Lauren wrote this absolutely amazing post today, and I really, really loved it. I always love reading her opinions and thoughts, but I just thought that she was particularly amazing and eloquent in this post. Like, she was slaying it.
My kiddos were so, so sweet and cuddly and lovable today, as they always are. I adore them so much.
My coworkers were being nice and friendly today, which was lovely.
Daycare owner asked me about my college decision and was super nice about that whole situation. I kind of love her.
Watched My So-Called Life! The dance episode. It was amazing. Ricky is my hero. I love him so much.
Had a picnic by the river with my family! My Mum made sandwiches, and we all talked, and it was lovely.
Wore legging that I dyed myself. They make me happy <3
Talked to Lamby, which is always lovely.
HANK GREEN ON FRIDAY!! <3
What are you working on improving?
MAKE A COLLEGE DECISION ALREADY, PLEASE.
Be patient with your kiddos at school.
Pull yourself together. It doesn't matter what your coworkers think of you, you need to remember to be AP, no matter what.
Their opinion of you/anger at you does not matter.
They aren't angry at you? You're imagining things. Like, honestly. You're okay. Sing your calm song, take a deep breath, and AP on.
STUDY JAPANESE AND WATCH CRASH COURSE EVERYDAY.
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I came home late a bunch of days in a row and was just like, "Ehhh, not feeling journaling. So, here we are.
April 24'th
I WENT TO SEE HANK GREEEEEEEEEN IN CONCERT! More about this later!
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I WENT TO SEE HANK FREAKING GREEN AND IT WAS SO, SO WONDERFUL AND AMAZING. It was honestly so cool. We were really, really close to the stage, so I was, maybe, 15 feet away from Hank Green for most of the concert? Which was absolutely amazing. It's kind of mindblowing, like, I watch Hank's videos every day, and he has made my life so much better, and it was insane to be like, "Wow, he's actually right here right now." And so close! It was so, so cool and special and awesome.
Five bands played:
Andrew Huang
Rob Scallion
Harry and the Potters
Driftless Pony Club (WHEEZYWAITER)
HANK GREEN
They were all amazing! And everyone there was really super into it, and jumping around, and yelling and having so much fun, which made it even better. And Hank came out in between each act and talked about random things, and it all felt really natural and conversational, and it was so, so cool.
Harry and the Potters were really fun. I had never seen them live, but they're juts so energetic and lively,and it's all just really cool. They had a pledge at the beginning of their act (you know, we all pledged to contribute to the rocking factor of the concert. Normal), and it REALLY reminded me of the pledge scene from School of Rock, and it was hysterical, and really fun.
And then, Hank Green. HANK GREEN. He came out, and sang, and went out into the crown, and encouraged us all to dance and have fun, and it was AH. MA. ZING. He's just the coolest. He covered Shake It Off, which kind of made my life. And he sang a ton of his songs, and it just made me so inexpressibly happy. Oh, my goodness <3 It was so amazing. Hanklerfish, and I Love Science, and The Universe is Weird, and T Shirt and Jeans, and so many other songs. GAH, IT WAS JUST SO LOVELY.
And the stage was so low, and we could get so close to it! It was just so, so perfect.
I met a lot of amazingly awesome nerdfighters while I was there! My Dad and I stood next to a really friendly nerdfighter couple and chatted them up before the concert, which was lovely, and they were really nice (and so NERDFIGHTER-Y!). I talked to the girl for a while, she was all dressed up in her Harry Potter garb, and we were talking like lightning, and there was a lot of us saying "I LIKE THIS," and it was just fantastic.
Then during the actual concert, I stood next to a girl who also knew all of Hank's songs, and it was so cool to be able to sing them all together, and to have someone there who was screaming loud, and jumping high, and freaking out, just as I was. We were both screaming at each other, and it was really awesome.
And after the concert, when I was waiting to meet Hank, I met a bunch of other cool nerdfighters, one of whom was an adorable little baby who was dressed like Batman, so that was pretty magical, as well.
Also, I got to meet Hank!! This was amazing, and fairly unexpected, and I am honestly still in awe over it. It was so, so amazing and special to be able to meet someone who has influenced and improved my life drastically.
I gave Hank a flower crown and some markers, and he seemed kind of into both things, and he graciously took a picture with me, and he was just so nice to me, and to my father ("I liked your Ghostbusters cover," my Dad commented. "Yup, I did that just for you!" Hank quipped back), and it was just so amazing to be able to see him in person.
And he touched my shoulder, and I was like, "IS THIS REAL LIFE." It was.
ACTUAL HANK GREEN

Sweet outtake. He's holding the makers that I gave him, so that's cool.

What I wrote on Tumblr:
*****
I met edwardspoonhands yesterday, after his concert in DC, and I’m kind of still in awe. He is amazingly gracious, kind, and friendly (and stayed at the venue long after the concert to talk to all of the nerdfighters there, because he’s the coolest person ever). 
There’s something amazing and humbling about meeting someone who has changed your life in the way that Hank Green has changed mine. It’s kind of interesting, this sense that they have had such an impact on you, that you have this one-sided history together of which only you are truly aware, and it makes it difficult to know exactly what to say in that moment. I, for one, said “thank you so much” at least twelve times, because I am inexpressibly grateful to Hank; Thank you, Hank Green, for existing, for making music and videos and conventions and so many other awesome things, and for sharing them with all of us. Thanks for creating such a cool community in nerdfighteria (through which I have met many of my favourite people), and for organizing events where we can come together and be surrounded by others who share our general love of nerdiness. Thanks for caring about us, and for never forgetting to be awesome. You fill my life, and the lives of many other nerdfighters, with tons of awesome. 
(Also, yes, Hank is rocking a flower crown. I gave it to him, and he instantly placed it on his head and was totally down with it, because, as we’ve established, he’s kind of the coolest). 
PS: I met, and gave a flower crown to, the Katherine, too (or to a random woman who looks exceptionally similar to the Katherine), I hope she likes it! She was very friendly and super nice.
*******
I'm just so content right now. It was honestly so amazing. 
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UPDATE: WHEEZYWAITER POSTED A PICTURE IN WHICH HE IS WEARING THE FLOWERCROWN THAT I MADE FOR THE KATHERINE THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And someone reblogged it and commented:
 Hey. I saw the lovely lady who gave you that coronet last night. She was very nice.
Well, thank you! You just made my day, random person.

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It's almost a week later, and my Dad and I keep talking about the concert randomly, in passing. It's honestly such a cool memory for both of us. He told me he'd never forget it XD
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