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Sunday, March 1, 2015

February 2015: On Left Shark, Being Unloved, Trash Bags, and Baby Slings

I kind of SUPER dropped the ball on journals for this month. I blame Tumblr, for being my new internet timesuck. Here's what I have:
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Actual conversation with a kid at daycare:
Her: "I love you."
Me: "I love you, too!"
Her: "Not you! I was talking to myself."
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Today my Dad said that he didn't like Smash Mouth, and my brother reacted as if my Dad had just shot him.
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I read the poem on Tumblr today, and it means a lot to me right now, so I thought I'd save it here.
For Twenty-One year olds who have never been loved

 All of a sudden two decades have passed and you still have not kissed anyone with tongue, or kissed anyone at all for that matter, or had a 3 AM conversation with someone who would rather look into your eyes for ten minutes straight than talk. You have never worn a lover’s sweater or “forgotten” it at home in your bedroom just so you would have an excuse to see them again. You have never even stood face-to-face with someone who makes your hands shake so hard it feels like they’re both having a separate anxiety attack.
This causes you much guilt and self-blame and sadness but above all, an overwhelming curiosity. Are you really that ugly, that unwanted, that uninteresting, that boring, that no one, absolutely no one, has ever looked at you like the only thing on earth?
The answer is no. The better answer is that someone out there, somewhere in the world, is “wondering what it’s like to meet someone like you,” and they have two decades worth of love stored in their veins like a shoot-‘em-up drug, and they’re just about ready to inject it into someone else’s bloodstream. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves and wait for it to happen.
At times you felt so lonely you could stand at the edge of a cliff with nothing beneath you but air and grass and a long, long way down, and you’d still feel emptier than that canyon itself. Maybe you even danced with yourself alone in your room a few times, arms outstretched around a ghost, pretending someone else’s hands were on your waist, someone else’s eyes boring into yours.
Or maybe you fell temporarily in love with strangers on public transportation, fell in love with anybody who so much as accidentally brushed your hand on the way past. For you, falling in love with dozens of people a day was a coping mechanism for not having anyone to love you in return. But people are not eggs and falling in love with a dozen of them does not mean your shell will remain uncracked. One day you’re going to hit the point where you’re so desperate for human contact that you’re going to snap in half and all your love will bleed out like egg yolk.
But someone out there is eating a bowl of Ramen noodles right now, or putting on slippers, or settling into bed. They are doing all the normal things that you’ve done in your own life. They are just like you. They have cellulite and extra fat in all the wrong places and goals and fears and doubts and bad handwriting.
The truth is that they are just like you, and being just like you, they’re looking for a lover too. They’re what you might call a soulmate.
They think they’re all alone in feeling the way they do, but you’re really both two halves of a whole.
And one day you’ll meet them, bump into them on the street, and your two halves will be put together, and you’ll make one. 
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I cried a little bit when I read this. Especially this section:
"The answer is no. The better answer is that someone out there, somewhere in the world, is “wondering what it’s like to meet someone like you,” and they have two decades worth of love stored in their veins like a shoot-‘em-up drug, and they’re just about ready to inject it into someone else’s bloodstream. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves and wait for it to happen."
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My brother just said that complaining on Valentine’s Day because you’re single is kind of like complaining on someone else’s Birthday because it isn’t your Birthday, and he’s kind of right. 
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So, my Mom and Ben just had a long discussion about how they think that saying "leftsharked" should become a thing. Like, a phrase that is synonymous with the concept of crapping things up, i.e, 
"How was the test, man?"
"I don't know, I think I leftsharked it," or
"I brought Jimmy in to do a job and he completely leftsharked it! Now I have to clean up his mess."
And so on. 
I think it's beautiful. I'm going to say it every day.
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A poem I've just written:

I'm making a ring sling
But you don't know what that is, do you?
It's a baby carrier
Something that keeps a baby close to you
So that she can hear your sound, inhale your fragrance, and feel your warmth
While you have your hands free
To work, to play, to dream. 

At the fabric market,
I ran my hands over cotton, over silk, over muslin
Until I found it:
Shimmery, turquoise, and comforting
With the potential to become a force-field
Enveloping child and caregiver, shielding them from the negativity and hate of the outside
A constant whisper of, "We are here for each other, no matter what."

The subtle glint makes me picture balls and weddings,
Meeting of international importance and awards receptions,
All with a baby in tow.
We are together always, 
Loving one another and sharing love with all
Caring for each other and bettering the world
  

It reminded me of those gorgeous slings I enviously oggle online, 
Dreaming of one day owning one, of carefully caressing my child
Within the folds of gently sparkling fabric.
But, the future is now,
And so I sew, and picture a day
When I will wear my child, 
When I will use my sling, and look back and fondly recall
The girl who carefully created
And imagined the future.
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Today, a little girl at daycare came in crying. I asked her Dad what was wrong, and he said that she was upset, because she asked him to play 'Uptown Funk" in the car, and he said no.
I get it, girlfriend. That's the jam.
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My Mom just said "hashtag trashbag" apropos of nothing, and I cannot stop laughing.
It sounds like the name of a TV show about thirteen year olds who post on Instagram too much. Picture it with me:
"Ugh! This selfie seriously sucks. #Trashbag, am I right?"
Yeah, I would watch that.
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I loved this ride when I was small. When this picture came up on my dash, it absolutely made my day. I'm not sure if I even noticed the skeletons, I was so excited that there was a picture of this ride. 

Thanks for keeping it real, Grunkle Stan.

This is my favourite thing ever. 

Speaking of Australia...

This is lovely

Like, let's be honest






This is always good to know


Asking the real questions

I love Tyler (part one)

I love Tyler (part two)
I had to explain this joke to my brother, who has somehow never heard the Macklemore song. C'mon, Ben. Get with the times. 
In other news, this song makes me cry. 
New reaction GIF

This Twitter is everything. I am DYING

The motto

This means so much to me

Turns out I'm the cake girl

This amuses me

I legit bought Ben that THawk thing for Christmas

Asking the real questions

I adore this
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Thanks for sticking with me for another months.
We are steadily making it through. Everything is going to be all right.






Monday, February 2, 2015

January 2015: Wheezy Waiter is Basically Jackson from Gilmore Girls, and Other Observations


I went to read the words "Freeze Dried" out loud today and said "Fries dreed." Like, out loud, to Ben. It was awkward. Almost as bad as the time I said "Gallians of the Guardaxy."
...I need to get my act together.
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Tumblr wisdom:
"Yo, can some of you dudes sit on the other side of this table? We look ridiculous." - Jesus at the Last Supper
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My Mom is on the phone with her phone company and it's actually the funniest thing ever.
"What do you mean it's out of warranty? I bought it three months ago!"
She is 1000% percent done.
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"This is what happens when you don't go to college. You end up drinking wine in a bathtub in the afternoon in front of a camera." -- Lucas Cruikshank
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Today I told my Mom that I really liked memes about the song Milkshake (it kind of made more sense in context. Not really. Just roll with me).
A little while later, she came up, showed me a picture that she took of a cup sitting in a field, and said, “I caption this ‘waiting for the boys’.” 
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"The Babylonians invented the second, but the Egyptians invented the hour. Think about THAT for a minute.....Get it? ALSO invented by the Babylonians."  -- A quote from my friend's six year old. Also, my new favorite thing to say, ever. 
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I was at the mall with Ben today and he pointed into a store and was like, “Oh look, rugs,” and I was totally baffled trying to figure out what he was talking about, but there were a bunch of Uggs in the window, so I responded, “Does rugs stand for rachet Uggs or something?”
Apparenly he was talking about drug rugs (like, the sweatshirt), and now he won't stop making fun of me for thinking that saying "rugs" was a thing.
He keeps making up these conversations like
"Daaang, look at her ruuuugs!"
"What did you just say about my Uggs? Come at me!"
Make it stop. 
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I just found Troye Sivan's 2012 "Year in Review" (I know, I'm a little bit behind), and it's beautiful, just like everything else he does. He is a gift to this world.

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Troye in the first scene of this video is me all of the time. Yum, Nutella <3

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I've mentioned The 1975 nonchalantly in conversation on two different occasions, both times to someone who is much cooler and more in the know that I am, and neither of them had heard of them at all. What? I've heard of things before other people have?! I feel so successful right now.
I'm slightly shocked. "I'M in the loop? I'm never in the loop."
Does this mean I get to be hipster-y about them when they become super mainstream, like, "Excuse you, I knew about them way back in 2014."
......They have, like, 11,000,000 views on YouTube, so probably not.
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Me: Hey Ben, I used a quote from Tom Hanks in my College Application essay.
Ben: "There's no crying in baseball"?
Yes, Ben. That one.
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Interesting fact: When I was trying to find those Troye gifs, I put in "Troye Sivan" and Google suggested that I search for "Troye Sivan Girlfriend"
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"Is Huckleberry Finn, like, a gay thing?" -- My Brother
Apparently this is what he took away from the movie "Easy A".
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Transparent won a Golden Globe yesterday, and they dedicated it to Leelah Alcorn. That just meant so much to me. I might have cried a tiny bit, because Leelah's story makes me cry, and it was so awesome that they publicly dedicated this to her.
 Leelah, you are important, and I will remember your story forever. We will not forget you, and your words will be the impetus that kickstarts social change. I think that the world will be different because of you. Different, and better. I hope that your story will be a wake-up call to parents who are not accepting of their children, and I KNOW that when my generation becomes parents, we will raise our children to love freely, and to be themselves. And we will remember you. We will change the world for you, Leelah, and for everyone like you, who has had to suffer for who they are.
Rest in Power, Leelah. You are our laser Princess.



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This video of Glozelle meeting Princess Tiana at Disney World is the sweetest thing ever <3 Representation matters!
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I just saw a page on FB called "Click like if you love your kids!"
Man. No pressure or anything.
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College applications are slowly sapping my savings. I know it will all be worth it in the end, but daaaang, this stuff is expensive.
Every time I have to pay for something new, I'm like:

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Someone just compared my Mom and me to Lorelai and Rory Gilmore. I think that this might be the best day of my life.
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I had training for work yesterday, and one of the girls is legit 8 and 1/2 months pregnant. She was deep breathing during the meeting and someone was like, "Bro, are you okay?" When she responded with "I'm having contractions," the entire meeting stopped and everyone was like, "OHHHH MY GOOOSH." But, no children were birthed at the meeting. She stayed remarkably calm and remained there for the entire meeting. She's the real MVP, honestly. I think she should get the Congressional Medal of Honor or something for sitting through a meeting abut SmartBoard usage with heavy contractions.
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"One day, they're going to just come out and say that they're gay already" -- Ben after seeing GIFs of Dan and Phil. Possibly mirroring the thoughts and aspirations of every Phan shipper.
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This poem means a lot to me:
THEORIES ABOUT THE UNIVERSE

I am trying to see things in perspective.
My dog wants a bite of my peanut butter
chocolate chip bagel. I know she cannot
have this, because chocolate makes dogs
very sick. My dog does not understand this.
She pouts and wraps herself around my leg
like a scarf and purrs and tries to convince me
to give her just a tiny bit. When I do not give in,
she eventually gives up and lays in the corner,
under the piano, drooping and sad. I hope the
universe has my best interest in mind like I have
my dogs. When I want something with my whole
being, and the universe withholds it from me,
I hope the universe thinks to herself: "Silly girl.
She thinks this is what she wants, but she
does not understand how it will hurt.
—  THEORIES ABOUT THE UNIVERSE by Blythe Baird
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I was just watching Gilmore Girls with Ben. It was the first time he's ever seen Jackson. The second Jackson came onto the screen, I paused it and was like, "Ben, who does this look like?" And right away, he answered, "Wheezy Waiter." Which means I'm not crazy, and he really DOES look like Wheezy Waiter. So, yay?
The first time I saw a Wheezy Waiter video, I Googled him and read his entire Wikipedia on the spot because I was SURE it was the guy who plays Jackson (spoiler alert: it's not). It's not only that he looks like him, he SOUNDS like him, too. It's uncanny. I might add the photos in here (once the photos are right next to each other, I guarantee you that they'll look nothing alike, because the world likes to conspire against my stupid theories, but whatever)
Wheezywaiter
I just Googled "Jackson," as if this image would magically be the first thing waiting for me on the other side of the search. Unfortunatley, Google isn't THAT smart.
Oh my gosh, you guys, they look alike. I'M TOTALLY NOT CRAZY. This is exciting for me.
Watch Wheezywaiter here, and watch various clips of Jackson from Gilmore Girls here, if you are so inclined.
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I saw two Mormon missionaries today while I was out, and I didn't bother them by asking loads of questions, or by singing. Good job, me.

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And now, for everyone's favourite part of my journal, the "Random things that I enjoy from Tumblr" part:
I loled.



Breaking news! This seems like it's obvious, but I needed this reminder.

I send this picture to anyone who asks me questions about myself that I don't feel like answering.

I have a friend who is always saying this. I may have saved this to send back to her during the summer when she complains about the heat. Maybe.


This is lovely.

I cry because it's so painfully accurate.

I died over this XD

"Panic at the Party"

Comeback goals

Jennifer Lawrence is a gift to this world.

I don't know why I think this is so funny, but I die every time I see it.
UPDATE: I showed it to Ben and he laughed hysterically. He gets it, whatever "it" is.

"She had her eye on both of them"

Honest question

Actual photograph of me

Gordo/Lizzie was my OTP circa 2002

Drake Bell is everything

Me.
Just kidding, I actually can't go back to the library anymore, because when I left to go abroad, I forgot that I left had a huge stack of library books that I had been reading with Adora and Juno in my room. They remained in there for at least a month, until my Mom went into my room and noticed them sitting there (thanks, Mummy!). It was, like, 25 books. I'm in so much debt to the library now. I don't even want to talk about it.

I saved this because I wanted to start playing this game..I had forgotten about this XD

I love Aussies
Accurate

I love John Green so much

I would die

My foolproof plan


Saturday, December 27, 2014

Japan Journal, Week One: Ansel Elgort, Classics, and Russling Jimmies

This is the first week that I wrote journals in Japan, but it's actually about a month after I got there. Bear with me. So, these are journals that I wrote while in Japan. I'm not editing them at all, so that you can read my raw feelings, exactly as I wrote them. If you're going abroad, perhaps they can help you understand what to expect! Or not. They're about 60% what I did in Japan, 40% complete and utter randomness. So, if that's enjoyable, have at them!
I hope you'll enjoy them. I mostly hope future me will enjoy them, but hey if you do, bonus. Also, if you ARE future me, hey bro. I hope you're doing well.
AAAAND, GO:
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They say that the master artist can make art with any brush. I'm not sure what happened to me, but somehow, even when given a perfectly good brush, I still botch up any kanji I am asked to create in shodoubu. It's a little sad, honestly. The other students effortlessly crack out gorgeous creations, while I am left sitting at my table, painting calligraphy that looks as if it were written by a three year old. Occasionally, one might find in front of me a sheet with three half written kanji, scribbled over with various angry-looking brushstrokes. I'm trying, really. I just have no idea what I'm doing. A girl helped me the other day, and it was so nice! A move in the right direction, for sure.
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It's possible that I might die of fatigue.
If I do, I'd like to be lowered into the group by the people with whom I worked on group projects, so that they can let me down one last time.
Also, kissing Ansel Elgort would be nice. Bonus points if he's wearing a baby. Extra bonus points if it's MY baby.
...Certain parts of this play may not be feasible.
I am going to die, because I walked 20.5 miles today. For the most part, I was pretty fine, but once I got about 2 kilos from the school, the "everything hurts" that had started about 20 kilos beforehand REALLY started to kick in, and I remember thinking, "This is how it ends. Right here. I'm going to die right here. Or murder something. Either way."
It was unpleasant, to say the least. But, I made it through! In the end, everything was gorgeous, and it was a really beneficial experience.
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Some days, I find the "ZOMG FOREIGNER" mentality that follows me everywhere sweet, charming, and funny. Other times, I'm like, "Ugh, I look horrible and I'm so tired. Maybe we could not right now." But most of the time, it's pretty fabulous.
Favorite moment ever: today, a random senior yelled "hello" to me in the hallway. I responded "konnichi ha," because this is my way of letting people know that I speak Japanese, and that I would prefer for them to speak to me in Japanese. This dude, however, responded back in English, "I'm very handsome." Thanks for that information, bro. I'll keep that in mind.
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I love Japan. Love, love, LOVE! But, when I am really tired, and I've been talking all day long, and fathoming things anymore just seems exhausting, it honestly feels exactly like this:
Or this True Jackson VP episode (start the video at 6:00 to enjoy the magic).
 
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I'm recently super into the name Zelda. I also like the name Link a lot, though. One of you is going to have to go, man, I don't want everyone thinking I'm some crazy Legend of Zelda fangirl.
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...I have a paper upon which I've written words about which I wanted to write journals. My next word is "Aussies." Just that, nothing else. I'm lost. I mean, I do love me some Aussies. But I have no clue about what I meant to write.
Probably just my undying love for Aussies. I love them forever. Their accents make me swoon. That is all.
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  Songs that will remind me of my Japan trip forever:
Tokyo Victory
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"One Direction? Why can't they make their hair all go in one direction?" --- An actual phrase once uttered by my mother.
I was adding a picture of One Direction to the PowerPoint I'm making for a school presentation (very professional PowerPoint, I know....you haven't even heard about the YouTube section..I also included lots of information about school and my life, I'm not a monster), and I instantly thought of this. She's not wrong, their hair in in a constant tizzy.
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Why don't I say the phrase "rustled my jimmies" more often, a la danisnotonfire? That's a good phrase. My new goal is too work it into conversation. I'm not conversing in English at all right now, though, so I'll probably dramatically fail at this goal. But it was a valiant effort.
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Today, the kids who sit around me in Classics class attempted to teach me how to read the story about which we were learning, which was extremely nice and generous of them. Unfortunately, certain small details got in the way, namely:
1. Kanji. This was fixed by the teacher going through the book with me and physically writing in the furikana, because she is the nicest person ever.
2. I read Japanese in my head perfectly fine, and generally, I read it out loud quite well, but good gracious, it was the last period of the day, and for some unknown reason, I was reading as if I'd just been hit by a truck and someone shoved the book in my face and demanded storytime. Which is to say, VERY SLOWLY.
3. What the actual heck, Classics. Like, there are multiple rules about going backwards and reading certain things first, and reading characters out of order...what? I understand it now, because the poor dude who sits next to me deigned to walk me through it, but at first, he was like, "No, when you see that symbol, you skip this character, read the next five, and then go back and read that character." And I was just like, ".....Wait, what? One more time? I DON'T UNDERSTAND." It's because it's a direct translation from Chinese; it's very raw and the characters are still in Chinese order. C'mon.

Luckily, I understand it now. But it was a tiny bit brutal at first.
But, despite these difficulties, the other kids sat with me, helped me read the story, and then explained the story (the Chinese emperor has a horse that he always likes to ride, and a war is raging...the teacher said that this story is sad, so I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the horse probably bites the dust. Or maybe the love interest, who is sexist-ly referred to only as "The Beauty" -- no name. C'mon, Ancient Chinese literature). They are the bomb.  
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I have a YouTube blurb written for myself that says "Angry Church Lady." That's when you know that stuff is gonna hit the fan.
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It is so cool how easily Japan can lift me out of a funk. The smallest things brighten my day. Thrift shopping, eating something tasty, reading kanji correctly--multiple times a day, I stop and think to myself, "I am so, so lucky."
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In America, I absolutely detested going to the mall. All of the stimuli, the fact that I had to buy things and made decisions...blegh. Although I do love me some mall pretzels. But, I digress. The point is, in Japan, I'm basically Robin Sparkles. I love going to the mall here--real life Japanese practice (reading signs, talking with whomever I am with), seeing/buying cute Japanese stuff--love it. Which I guess is pretty predictable, seeing as the only places at which I truly liked to shop in America were Japanese markets.